My poor, poor body.

Well, I think I've let this non-workout-eat-what-I-want year go long enough. I've gained WAY too much weight and am ready to go back to my old ways of working out regularly. I think my big problem has been trying to balance all the newness in my life: married, 3 kids, teaching 20 Kindergartners for the first time ever. I'm coming down to the end of the school year and am starting to get a rhythm for my class. My house is still a wreck, but I hope to tackle that after school is done. My family is balancing and I'm getting a pretty good rhythm with home too. So-all this means maybe I can start concentrating on my health.

I know many people might say, "You look great, what are you talking about??" But when you can't fit into your clothes anymore, you're uncomfortable, you're tired all the time, and you're worried you won't have a healthy pregnancy when the time comes-there's a problem. I've missed running and lifting weights too. It was my get-away for at least 30 minutes. A recharge and a boost of confidence. It's true what the fitness magazines say; there's something about working out that makes you feel better inside and outside. Even if you only shed half a pound, it feels like you lost 10.

I'm trying to find all and any motivation for this new leaf. I've torn out magazine pictures and articles (mainly fitness and healthy eating-no celebs) to try to motivate me and remind me of my goal(s). I of course have my Shape and Self magazine to help me also. But this week, I've found myself afraid of the gym again.

I remember a few years ago, almost a size 14, making a decision to lose the weight. I was TERRIFIED of the gym. But a friend went with me and it made it a lot easier. Now-I don't have a friend that can go at the same time as me and I have to go it alone. The fear has shown up again. I have to get over it to do this. I won't work out at home. The couch is too much of a temptation and the kids take up the time where I feel at my best to exercise. I have my ready gym bag in my car. I have my ipod charged and my headphones. But everyday after work, I find SOME silly, lame reason why I can't go or shouldn't go. This is where that motivation seeker comes in.

I am trying hard to get myself back on track. Concentrate not so much on eating my best but getting at least 30 minutes of some exercise in daily. I have to focus on one thing at a time. Not too much at once.

Change has to happen for me.